Early on, after my divorce, my sister gave me a mug that had a picture of a butterfly on it with a quotation that read, “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.”
I remember thinking, but what if it didn’t turn into a butterfly? What if it turned into some invasive, horrible bug that destroyed everything?
I felt like I was becoming that bug. I’d lost a bunch of weight. I was yelling at my kids. I was wound so tightly that I’d forgotten how to play and have fun.
I didn’t like who I was becoming.
I don’t need to tell you that being a single mom completely transforms you. What I do need to tell you is that you can steer your narrative toward the butterfly outcome. My wings are a bit mangled in places, but I’ve done it and you can too.
“[The deep metaphor of transformation] can be physical, social, or mental, and sometimes all three. Transformation in one area can spill into another.”1
Transformation can be:
· actual or contemplated
· desired or dreaded
· anticipated or a surprise
· gradual or abrupt
· slow or fast
· positive or negative
· chosen or unchosen
Interestingly, it’s transformation that made me realize there is a dark side to all the metaphors (which we will get into later). You can literally Transform into a desperate, angry, lonely person. You can deplete your Resources by asking too much of any one friend or family member. You can create Imbalance by making too many decisions out of guilt.
Understanding the seven, deep metaphors helps us see ourselves with clarity (and compassion). When we truly see our thoughts and behaviors, we’ll can learn to make decisions out of love (not anger or fear).
How not to turn into a bug Exercise: Awareness of your transformations past, present, or future will help you direct the story of your life. By putting language around your transformations, you will be better equipped to make decisions. Here are some of mine:
· actual or contemplated (I’ve been thinking about taking a class on writing to help me become a better writer.)
· desired or dreaded (I am so looking forward to the vacation because vacations always change us.)
· anticipated or a surprise (My daughter broke her arm; I’ll need to change how we take our upcoming trip to the beach.)
· gradual or abrupt (When my ex walked into the living room and said he was leaving, my world changed.)
· slow or fast (It took me almost eight years to learn how to be a single mom.)
· positive or negative (In what I’ll call the “hard years” I was turning into a person a didn’t like – yelling, not eating, crying constantly.)
· chosen or unchosen (I chose to put my kids first and my career second. I figured I could always make more money or get more accolades, but I could never get time back with my kids.)
As always, this is a rough-cut excerpt from a book I’m writing about how to change your narrative as a single mom. What are your impressions? What ideas does this spark for you?
Marketing Metaphoria, Zaltman and Zaltman