“There are still nuclear families in America, but there are also unmarried parents, gay parents, families without children, and single parents. Research shows that Americans are increasingly tolerant of all kinds of families, with one exception — single women raising children alone.” Source: Pew Research
Huh.
On the one hand, I feel vindicated. It’s not in my head. It’s real. Society doesn’t tolerate us. But on the other hand, I’m like, “What the heck?! We are the ones who stayed! Why aren’t we being tolerated?”
You (and I) are pushing against a less-than-positive, single-mom story framework.
Here’s how frameworks like this get built:
Society forms an abstract belief: “We shouldn’t tolerate single moms raising kids alone. They are ruining society!”
I don’t know how the belief got started. Perhaps it’s sexism. Perhaps it’s because we need care assistance (what parent doesn’t?). Perhaps it’s because single moms raising children alone are too busy to advocate for themselves.
Society then reinforces this belief with concrete action: “We need policy and language to solidify this belief! Let’s cut care benefits and create derogatory terms like ‘welfare mom’!”
And so, a story framework starts to take shape around the beliefs and actions. A single mom raising kids on her own made bad decisions, so now she needs handouts, is working three jobs, and is raising troubled kids. We all know how that story ends.
Or do we? (cue dramatic music)
Here’s the thing, that original belief that created that framework is SOCIETY’S belief.
It doesn’t have to be OUR belief. Cognitive science has shown that our beliefs shape our reality. We are in charge of our beliefs and actions, no one else. Therefore we are in charge of constructing our narrative any way we want!
Want to reshape your reality with me and step outside that shoddy framework (it’s the Container metaphor that is keeping you in)? If so, it’s time to put your imagination in charge.
For next time: How to let your imagination run free.